I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
