she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
