ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
