I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize