Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
