Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
