when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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