Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
