I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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