I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize