She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This gyro tastes like lonliness
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
3 2 1 whiskey
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
