The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
