Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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