the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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