last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
