He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize