The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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