Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
