handjob tips. give me some.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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