Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I think I am morally bankrupt
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
