Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
