Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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