just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
