I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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