I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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