walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
