Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
