Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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