And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
