nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
