Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
