I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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