i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize