im six kinds of drunk right now
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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