Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
