I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize