Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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