I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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