I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
