Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize