There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
