Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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