you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
