those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
