OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize