After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
