Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
