i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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