you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
