you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
