Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
