Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
