The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
