My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
