3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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