If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
