You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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