Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Terrible idea I love it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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