Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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