i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
