I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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