I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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