You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
