All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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