just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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