please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
