you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
