tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
