Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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