Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
