Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
