my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
