Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
