and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
