If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
