C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize