doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
