i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
