you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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