Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
