that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We left the knife in your bed.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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