So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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