And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
